


you are the trouble I'm in

by emilia_kaisa



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Alex pines so much he becomes a tree, Feels, Friendship, No Angst, Not Beta Read, Sibling Love, Timelines, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-06-27 11:25:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19789897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: "Gracie." Alex started slowly "What to do if you might... have a crush on your friend?"Gracie looked at him for a moment, expression set, before smiling softly.“I don’t think I’m capable of answering this one.” she said, chuckling warmly “But I need you to know,  I think that having a crush on Javi is like, a stage for all of us.”Alex actually choked on his drink, spitting it back to his cup and not even feeling grossed out about it, too shocked and kinda embarrassed.aka Alex has complicated feelings for his best friend





	you are the trouble I'm in

**Author's Note:**

> *bangs her fists on the table* more Javi ships!!!  
> Anyway, that idea came to me out of the blue and I had so much fun writing it! I hope you will enjoy this one too, as always this is 100% and all that jazz. Title inspired by 'Trouble I'm in' by Twinbed.

**Japan, 2019**

"I'm dying." Javi whined dramatically before dropping on the seat next to Alex "I can sit here or Maia booked the spot?"

"Nah, you're good." Alex smiled and Javi grinned back, leaning against the headrest and letting out a loud sigh.

"You're that tired, old man?"

"Hey, we're the same age, you asshole." Javi said, opening one eye and giving Alex and offended glance "And yeah, I feel like my muscles are screaming at me 'you are supposed to be retired, what the fuck are you doing?'"

"Poor thing." Alex smiled, ignoring the weird churning of his stomach "Take a nap, I will wake you up when we get to the hotel."

"Mhh." Javi hummed, his lips curling up in a grateful smile "Thanks."

"Sure."

It took Javi exactly three minutes to fall asleep, face relaxed, unbothered by more people entering the bus and filling the space with a cheerful chatter. Alex looked at him for a moment, and then he heard a quiet cough; when he raised his head he met his sister's wide smile.

"Why am I not surprised." she chuckled, shaking her head "I'm going to sit in a back with Anna."

"Yeah, thanks." Alex muttered and her smile turned softer. Understanding. She nodded and walked away, the close movement making Javi groan quietly in his slumber. He shifted a little, his head falling to the side and resting against Alex's shoulders, and he let out a deep, content sigh.

Alex closed his eyes for a second as his stupid heart skipped a beat, and he inhaled deeply, trying to get rid of that numb ache inside his chest that was his companion for so long he had learned very well how to live with it.

* * *

**Madrid, 2008**

Maia was bouncing with excitement as they left the ice after practice, her smile wide.

"That was good." their coach clapped, clearly pleased with them "Now back to the hotel, and eat something nice."

"I want paella." Alex sang, feeling his stomach churning.

"You're been eating it since we arrived." Maia said, rolling her eyes, and he stuck his tongue at her.

"And I will be eating it till the end of our stay."

They had arrived to Madrid two days earlier and Alex was loving it so far, even though the didn't have too much time for sightseeing. Still, it was super nice that they were giving junior events to countries like Spain, even though Alex wasn't sure if they even had any skaters.

Mind occupied with paella, Alex entered a locker room and immediately bumped into someone, almost sending him to the ground.

"Oh shit, sorry!" he exclaimed, grabbing the guy's shoulder to steady him "You okay, man?"

"Yeah." the stranger said, his accent heavy and vaguely familia "Sorry, I wasn't looking."

He was a bit smaller than Alex, with big brown eyes and curly hair, and currently was smiling a bit sheepishly, and Alex felt a sting of sympathy.

"It's cool." he said, extending his hand "I'm Alex."

"Javi. Nice to meet you."

His hand was warm and grip strong, and Alex grinned, realizing something.

"You're Spanish, right?"

"Yeah." Javi chuckled and Alex's grin widened.

"That's so cool, I was just thinking how cool it is that Spain got this event. Really, awesome!"

"It is!" Javi beamed, his eyes sparkling, and Alex decide that he really liked this guy already.

"Hey, if you're free now, maybe you'd like to grab some food with me and my sister? I'm craving some paella." he stressed and Javi laughed, bright and amused.

"Yeah, I think I can help you with that."

Two hours later Alex was congratulating himself for going with his guts, because honestly, Javi was the coolest person he had met in a long time. He was nice and funny, and his slight problems with English were quite adorable. Alex could say that Maia was absolutely charmed and to be honest, so was he. He also got a little bit wide- eyed when Javi told them how skating in Spain looked like and how much struggle it was causing.

"Man, mad respect." Alex said, shaking his head "This is challenging as hell."

Javi just shrugged, his smile telling Alex that he was used to that.

"It's okay." he said and then brightened up even more "By the way, my sister was doing ice dance too!"

"Really? Does she still skate?" Maia asked excitedly and Javi shook his head, his smile dimming a little.

"No. We had, uh… money issue." he exclaimed, looking a bit embarassed, and Alex felt an unpleasant scratching in his throat.

"So, Javi!" he exclaimed, changing the topic swiftly "Would you like to hang out for a bit when the competition is done? I think it would be cool."

"Yeah!" Javi smiled, all bright again "Cool."

* * *

**Japan, 2019**

The traffic was huge and when Alex looked outside the window he realized it would take at least one more hour to get to their hotel. Their driver had to know that too, because he dimmed all the lights, as if sensing that his passengers would maybe like to get some rest. And it was the truth, because the bus was pretty quiet now, people mostly napping or yawning into their phones.

Alex glanced at Javi, who was still sleeping peacefully, and then quickly turned his gaze away, deciding to check his phone.

He scrolled through his instagram and twitter, checked the messages to discover a new text from his girlfriend. He chewed on his bottom lip, fingers ghosting over the screen, ready to type I miss you too, I love you.

He blocked the screen and put the phone back into his pocket, glancing at Javi again. He could feel his eyelids a little bit heavy and he considered his options for a moment before carefully resting his cheek against Javi's head.

* * *

**Japan, 2012**

"It's going to be a disaster." Javi giggled, throwing himself on his bed "But I don't careeee-!"

"Me neither." Alex snorted, dropping on his own bed and looking at the ceiling "I think we're both drunk."

"You think?" Javi gasped and Alex turned his head to look at him, meeting his bright gaze "I think we're veeeryyy drunk."

"Mhh." Alex nodded dumbly, for some reason not able to tear his gaze away, his blurry thoughts flowing and mixing in his head.

Javi was smiling, with that warm, broad smile of his, and Alex felt like something tingled somewhere in between his ribs, weird feeling that made him feel a bit giddy.

"Hey Javi?" he slurred and Javi stared at him with eyes comically wide.

"Hmmm?"

"Best friends?"

Javi blinked slowly before extending his arm, fingers curled in a fist.

"Best friends." he agreed, giving Alex a fist bump and then yawning widely "But now, best sleep."

"Mhh." Alex agreed, closing his eyes and feeling all warm and happy "Sleep."

He was woken up rather brutally when someone dragged the blanket off of him with an exasperated sigh that told him that merciless monster was his own sister.

"Ugh, typical." Maia muttered, tugging at Alex's leg before moving to pat Javi on the head "Come on guys, move your hangover asses, the bus leaves in twenty minutes."

Javi whined sleepily and Alex was losing a battle with his eyelids, too heavy to keep them open. Maia was ruthless, though, and basically dragged them both out of beds and pushed them into the bathroom, yelling that she would bring them a toast but they had to be downstairs in ten minutes.

“Uhh, okay.” Alex yawned, scratching his head “I vote teeth and washing face?”

“Mhhh.” Javi mumbled, swaying on his feet as if he was about to fall asleep while standing “Yeah. I need to borrow your toothpaste.”

“And where is yours?”

“Ummm…” Javi shrugged and Alex gasped.

“You’ve been stealing mine for this whole time?”

“Uhh, I will buy you a beer for that?”

“Oh my god, no alcohol.” Alex whined, shaking his head “You’re lucky we’re friends.”

“Best friends.” Javi stated and well, Alex couldn’t even pretend to be mad about the toothpaste anymore.

“We need to rush or Maia will have our heads.” was all his said, bumping their shoulders together and almost not feeling his headache anymore.

* * *

**Japan, 2019**

The bus stopped abruptly and Alex yelped quietly, jolting awake from what had to be a shallow slumber. He blinked rapidly, trying to realize what was going on, but judging by the fact that that the bus weren’t moving and people were slowly raising from their seats, they finally arrived at the hotel. Javi was still asleep, though, and Alex didn’t really had a heart to wake him up, so he just decided to wait until the bus would be empty, just those few extra minutes. Maia sent him an amused glance on her way out and Alex rolled his eyes at her.

He knew she wouldn’t buy it, but they had all agreed to play that game long time before.

The minutes stretched and Alex almost didn’t notice when the bus was finally empty, and for one second he considered just hiding there and spending the whole night like that. It would be super uncomfortable, though, and a bit creepy if the driver would lock them up inside.

“Hey.” he murmured, touching Javi’s knee “Wake up.”

Javi whined quietly, slowly sitting straight and blinking slowly, his gaze a little bit blurred.

“We arrived?” he asked, rubbing his eyes.

“Yeah, Sleeping Beauty.” Alex cringed internally at the words leaving his mouth, but Javi only chuckled, sending him a warm, sleepy grin.

“Hey, sleep is important.” he said, standing up and wincing a little when his knee cracked a little “But now I might need to spend the night on the floor.”

“You poor thing.” Alex said, following him out of the bus and nodding to the driver on the way.

The air outside was surprisingly chilly, so he was glad when they stepped inside the hotel, even though it meant the day was over. He swallowed hard, preparing himself to say goodnight, but then Javi stopped and smiled at him.

"You know what, that nap was pretty refreshing. You want to grab one drink, maybe, a goodbye one, since I'm flying home tomorrow?"

"Sure." Alex smiled back, his lips a little bit dry "I'd love to."

* * *

**Sochi, 2014**

Alex bit his lower lip, trying not to say anything. He glanced at Maia, who was wearing a soft smile, but her gaze was a bit puzzled, although she was doing a great job at hiding it. Then Alex looked back at Javi, who was smiling, but it was dimmed and strained and kind of fake.

“This is kinda terrible.” Javi rambled, poking a piece of meat with his fork “Like, I know they’re trying, and that it’s hard to feed so many people, but this is bad-”

All figure skating competitions were done now, and there was only the gala ahead. Alex and Maia were pretty pleased with their result, but they were trying to avoid the topic of skating at all cost now, sitting with Javi in a cafeteria over some pretty terrible food.

To be honest, Alex was a bit worried about Javi. Missing out on the podium and all the media storm was affecting him way more than he was showing, but Alex knew him well enough to see the truth. He could see the way his fingers were just a little bit jittery, a trace of red around his eyes, and his heart clenched suddenly. They were athletes, they were no strangers to disappointments, but that felt… wrong. Heavier.

They were such good friends, for years now, basically since the moment they had met in Madrid, and Javi was such an important person in Alex’s life, and seeing him so upset was heartbreaking. To be honest, Alex just wanted to give him a big hug and not let go until he would feel a bit better.

Javi was always giving so much warmth, to everyone around him, but Alex couldn't shake the feeling that he wasn't receiving even half of the affection he deserved, and maybe Alex just had to take care of that wait what-

"Hey, Earth to Alex." Maia snapped her fingers right in front of Alex's face "You good there, big brother?"

"Yeah." he cleared his throat "Sorry, just... drifted away for a moment."

Drifted away was a misunderstanding, but there was nothing else he could say while his thoughts were running around in panic.

Maybe that was some leftover adrenaline circling in his veins, because there was no way he actually had... feelings? No, that wasn't right, Alex didn't even like men like that, that was just some-

Javi looked at him, his smile turning a bit wider, a bit more honest, and Alex's heart made a weird thing inside his chest.

What the fuck.

Alex was confused. So he decided to get drunk.

The opportunity appeared when Jeremy announced a party in his room, and basically the whole figure skating team showed up, with bottles of Russian vodka in their bags and pockets, and Alex was happy to take advantage of that, because honestly, he needed a break. He had spent the last two days on thinking about the weird feelings coiling in his chest every time he saw Javi.

It was just a sympathy, right? They were bros, best bros, and Alex was just feeling a little bit protective during that hard time, right?

Right?

He groaned, taking a big sip, watching the party turn into some weird techno knees- up. He glanced at Maia, once again realizing that she was way more responsible than him so he had nothing to worry about.

Well, he didn't have to worry about her, but he had plenty of other things to think through. He could tell that Maia was suspecting... something, whatever, but for now she was keeping it for herself and Alex was glad that she did.

"Hey."

He looked up and saw Gracie's kind smile as she looked at him for a moment before sitting next to him.

"What's up?" she asked and he shrugged, taking another gulp, feeling alcohol getting into his head already.

"I'm good." he mumbled, looking inside his cup "Just thinking."

"Oh yeah? Is someone occupying your mind?"

"Mhhh." Alex agreed eloquently and Gracie tilted her head curiously.

"I'm always open to listen, but no pressure."

Alex looked at her intently, wondering. Gracie was nice, and she was a good friend, and she wouldn't tease him like Maia probably would.

"Gracie." he started slowly "What to do if you might... have a crush on your friend?"

Gracie looked at him for a moment, expression set, before smiling softly.

“I don’t think I’m capable of answering this one.” she said, chuckling warmly “But I need you to know, that I think that having a crush on Javi is like, a stage for all of us.”

Alex actually choked on his drink, spitting it back to his cup and not even feeling grossed out about it, too shocked and kinda embarrassed.

“What?” he wheezed and she patted his back reassuringly.

“I just think it’s a step for all of us.” she announced seriously, and Alex wondered how many drinks she had had already “So, don’t worry, you’re not alone.”

Alex felt a sudden spike of jealousy, brief and stinging, and he decided to drink the rest of his drink, because that felt like a better option than coming to terms with a fact that he had an awfully big crush on his best friend.

Great. Just great. 

He was kinda hoping Maia wouldn’t touch the subject, but his hopes died in the middle of their flight back home.

“So, brother.” she raised her eyebrows at him “You want to spill, finally?’

“Do I want to?” Alex chuckled, a bit nervous, and Maia sent him an unimpressed glance “It’s more like I have no choice.”

“Basically.”

Alex looked at her, and he knew that he had nothing to be afraid of. Still, he was feeling just a tiny bit uneasy, but he swallowed the question down as he opened his mouth, but the thing that escaped his lips surprised even him.

“Have you ever had a crush on Javi?”

Maia looked at him as if he was dumb before snorting loudly.

“Obviously.”

“Wait really?”

“Of course. Like, the moment you introduced us in Madrid, but I’m over it for long now, why are you- OH.” she yelped “That makes so much sense.”

Alex groaned and hid his face in his hands for a moment. He had known it would be like that, of course... His train of misery was broken when he felt Maia's soft hand touching his shoulder, and when he looked at her he was her compassionate smile.

"Hey, don't be a drama queen." she said gently, shaking his shoulder a little "It's not the end of the world, right? It's just a crush, one day you will be laughing about it."

"Yeah, probably." Alex muttered and then sighed "It's just so... inconvenient."

"Really." Maia chuckled, shaking her head with amusement.

"Really! We're like, best friends, I don't want to make things awkward."

"It's not like you see him, everyday, it's going to be okay." Maia said gently "Maybe you won't get over it till worlds or summers shows, but after that? Don't worry, about it, in a few months you won't even remember about this."

Her smile was wide and sure, and Alex felt strangely sure too. Because yeah, that was probable, that was so going to happen. Feeling a bit less stressed, he smiled at his sister and then leaned against the headrest, deciding that maybe it was time to catch some sleep and stop stressing about his ridiculous love problems.

***

It turned out that Maia was wrong.

Worlds were hard enough, with Javi smiling tiredly but still being his best adorable self. That Alex could handle, but the ice shows were torture. At least organizators didn't put them in one room that time, but it still was tough, since Javi was clinging to him and Maia most of the time. Which was great, but also not, because Alex couldn't stop himself from staring at Javi's soft hair or long eyelashes, or-

Nope, nope, nope.

He was lucky that they were always close, so no one would question all the attention and affectionate gestures. Only Maia was sending him checking glances from time to time, but beside that didn't say a word, and Alex was grateful for that. She was great but that thing he had to deal with by himself.

Maybe it was just a... stronger crush, one of those that would last maybe a year or something. And then it would be gone, and maybe in ten years he would tell Javi about it, and they would have a good laugh.

* * *

**Japan, 2019**

"They have really good beer in here, I need to remember that one." Javi hummed, turning the bottle and checking the label "For the next time I come here."

"Yeah." Alex nodded, smiling and looking down at his own bottle "So, what are your plans now?"

"Well I have summer camps to do and show to plan. Also, I promised my lady I would take her for some vacation." Javi chuckled and Alex's stomach churned as he thought about his own girlfriend and a text that was still remaining unanswered.

"But what about you guys, I've heard you're taking this season off too?"

"That's the plan. There is just... so many things to do." Alex shrugged "And, you know, comps without you are super boring."

Javi laughed at that, short and cheerful, bumping their shoulders together.

"That's cute, thanks."

They sat in silence for a moment, comfortable, glancing at each other every few seconds and smiling like some kind of idiots, and Alex's heart ached, just a little bit.

"You know-" he started before he could stop himself "I'm really happy that we're friends."

Javi's smile widened, so bright it felt like it could outshine the sun.

"Best friends."

His eyes were honest and shining, and Alex just had to smile back, feeling familiar warmth spreading inside his chest.

"I will drink to that." he said, softer than he intended, barely surpressing all the bottled- up feelings coiling inside him for such a log time now.

But it was how it was, and despite everything... Alex wasn't sure if he would like to change anything. It was familiar by now, and he had learned during all those years how to deal with it, with the feelings he never dared to voice and dreams he never truly had.

* * *

**Boston, 2016**

Alex was feeling great in Boston. The city had a nice feel to it, and Alex felt so comfortable walking its streets with Maia by his side, taking some shots for the vlog that he would later glue from all the pieces. It was a fun hobby, and he enjoyed it so much he absently thought he could maybe keep on doing that after retiring, something like that, maybe with movies?

"Who are you texting?" he asked Maia when they stopped for a moment, waiting for the light to turn green so they could pass the street and go for a walk around a park.

"Javi. You remember we wanted to grab a dinner together? I'm just checking if the plan stands."

"Ah, yeah." Alex nodded, knowing that he sounded cool, but Maia glanced at him, putting the phone back to her pocket and humming quietly.

"I want ice cream." she announced suddenly and Alex blinked.

"Huh?"

"There." she pointed a small ice cream stand by the entrance to the park "Come on, it's not that cold."

"Well you say so." Alex muttered, resigned, already reaching for his wallet, because he knew that there was no saying no to Maia's requests, especially about food. They got their ice cream and continued walking, Maia humming quietly, clearly happy with her choices.

"You want some mango? It's so good."

"Nah, I'll pass." 

He had oreo, but he wished he had chosen something else, the taste too sweet on his tongue, but he didn't complain.

"So-" Maia said after a few quiet minutes "- I wanted to talk to you after the comp is done, but I feel like I need to check and make sure you're good."

"What are you talking about?" Alex asked, confused, and she sighed.

"Here." she took his hand and dragged him to the nearest bench "Look, Alex, I don't want to meddle, that's why I was quiet for the past few years, but I just-" she made a vague hand gesture "You know."

"I don't-"

"I'm talking about you and Javi." Maia said and Alex's heart dropped.

"There is no-" he stuttered and she sighed, shaking her head a little.

"I know." she said gently "I know that there is nothing between you, but there is something in here." she said, poking his chest with her finger.

"I-" Alex swallowed hard "It's okay."

"I know." Maia repeated "I just want to know if you're okay."

Alex sighed deeply, wondering.

He was okay. He had come to terms with his feelings long before, realizing that what he was feeling wasn't just a crush, but something so much deeper and stronger. He had never acted on it, never showed it, staying in his best friend zone gladly. Telling Javi the truth wouldn't bring him anything except breaking their friendship, and Alex wasn't going to risk that.

"You know, I don't even like guys." he chuckled, finally "Like, at all. But Javi... I don't know, I just feel what I feel, I can't even explain it, it's- I don't know. I'm okay, it's not like I ever expected anything?"

He knew he was babbling, but Maia was looking at him with an endless understanding, and once again he felt incredibly grateful for her.

"I could tell, you know?" she said quietly "After some time, that it was more. But you were handling it so well, I didn't want to bring that up."

"It is how it is." Alex shrugged "It's not dramatic. I love him, he doesn't need to know."

"You made it sound really dramatic." Maia chuckled, but her expression was gentle and full of compassion "I wish I knew what to say."

"You don't have to say anything, I don't cry at nights or something." Alex said, giving her a crooked smile "It's how it is, and it's fine."

Maia looked at him for a moment before nodding slowly, her smile widening.

"Let's go." she said, standing up and extending her hand "We have a friend to meet and some medals to win."

Alex smiled back, taking her hand and squeezing her fingers gently.

"Yes, we have."

* * *

**Japan, 2019**

The first thing Alex did after coming back to his room was kicking his shoes off and dropping on the bed, hiding his face against the pillow. One drink had turned into three and Alex was pretty glad they didn't have any practice the next day, because that would be a challenge.

He stayed like that for a moment, unmoved, before slowly turning on his back and staring at the ceiling. He reached to his pocket and took out his phone, biting his lower lip as he stared at the screen.

Typing the message wasn't that hard. He made sure to apologize three times for replying so late, and added some extra emojis by the end before throwing the phone to the other side of the bed.

He sighed deeply, closing his eyes.

His girlfriend was absolutely lovely. Smart, kind and talented, and Alex loved her, he loved her a lot.

She just wasn't the only one in his heart.

But it was okay. Some love stories just weren't meant to happen, and they would always remain hidden, safe, a bittersweet memory that he would always treasure while living his own life to the fullest. 

And in the end, he didn't think he would change a thing. Because love was never something to ever regret, even if it wasn't meant to be. 

**Author's Note:**

> Like it? Hate it? Let me know in the comments and thank you for reading!


End file.
